It's taken me almost 36 years to relax

Don't get me wrong. It's not a complete transformation.

I was scared of my own shadow growing up, I rarely see myself the way
others seem to see me, and I have always been a somewhat nervous
person. I have definitely come out of my shell over the years. In
fact, when I have told several people that I was a shy kid they were
actually really surprised. I don't run away from a challenge. I never
really did, but in my younger years I was much more of an observer
than an active participant in what happened around me.

You may be asking why I'm droning on about my childhood. Well, as a
passive kind of kid, I wasn't all that passive. I internalized
everything and stressed over all the details. I mean ALL of them.
Whether my parents would be ok with a decision that I had made, or my
friends would accept a new accessory that I fell in love with. Would I
make it to where I was going on time? Would I have everything ready in
time for shabbos?

I could never, NEVER understand how Israelis could spend the day
hiking somewhere, then come home and still be ready for shabbos. Most
weeks, no matter how late shabbos starts, I'm scrambling. Then I get
forgetful. I always forget something (last week, I forgot to light the
candles!!!!).

This Friday, here in Canada, is Canada Day. Our national holiday. No
school or work. Kids and hubby are all home. We decided to take the
kids to see a movie on the spur of the moment. On a Friday. When I
hadn't even started cooking. And I didn't stress. I enjoyed. The kids
had fun and we spent a few hours together.

And as I am about to light my candles (I will NOT forget this week!),
I have a few minutes to write this and feel proud of my (not so
little) accomplishment.

Shabbat shalom.