This is something that I think about constantly.
With my first child, I was the perfect parent. I had more patience than I have ever known. I was in awe of her every breath. I was in awe of my husband for being her father. I prioritized well and my daughter was always on the top of that list. She didn't watch anything on TV until she was 6 months old (nothing!).
We were perfect parents because she was the perfect child.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Fast-forward 8 and a half years and 2 kids later: Patience is really thin. Working from home (read: I never leave my workplace). My ability to prioritize is hampered by the fact that I really just want a few days off. From work. From home. From LIFE! Put a pretty drink in my hand. Sit me in the sun and let me bake.
What happened to that perfect parent?
The way I see it, it is so much easier to manage life when you are eased into it. First kid. Easy first kid. That helps. With each additional family member comes additional challenges, personality conflicts, eating issues, sleeping issues, pooping issues.
I manage this with yelling.
I never said I manage it well. But yelling has become my go-to thing that they listen to. This is a very big problem in my opinion. I feel like crap after I yell, but I yell because I have already asked them nicely to come downstairs, come upstairs, come to dinner, start homework, get dressed, get in pajamas, get in the shower, get out of the shower,... 4 or 5 times. I can't ask nicely anymore. They don't even respond with a grunt when I ask nicely. When the crazy yelling mommy shows up, they come downstairs, come upstairs, come to dinner, start homework, get dressed, get in pajamas, get in the shower, get out of the shower,...
I need help and suggestions to avoid yelling but get them to listen. I need a plan of action that I can stick to.
I'm putting this out there because I know how many parents feel the exact same way. Please post your suggestions, ideas, tricks in the comments so that everyone can benefit from them. We can all try and see what works for us.
I know my kids will be grateful. And so will I.
Ya...yelling...Seriously, I envy those "quiet houses". So, one of my neighbors said she was taught that when you want to scream at them, you should do the opposite...talk really really softly, even whisper. Supposedly, that makes the kids listen, since they're like "what? what'd u say?" and actually pay attention...Let me know how that works out for you, since I have yet to find the self control to try it....
ReplyDeleteI remember my aha moment. I heard the way I was yelling at my kids and I was horrified at who I had become. If anyone yelled at me, as an adult, like that I would have felt awful. How could I yell at MY kids who I love beyond belief like that?
ReplyDeleteI learned to talk firmly. To reason. To say Ima needs a time out to calm down before she deals with this situation. To breathe and count to ten. If I still wanted to yell - was it worth it?
Your kids are old enough to understand what they need to do to hold up their end of this bargain. If they don't want the yelling, they have to do what's expected. Print them out a daily schedule. 7 am wake up, 7 to 715 brush teeth and get dressed, 730 breakfast etc...
at the end of the morning or evening - they get a star if they did everything without you yelling, and you get a star on your chart if you didn't yell.
When Mommy and kids both have a week's worth of stars, the kids get to do something nice WITH you - a movie, a fun day out. This way - you all have your tasks to do, but you all benefit.
Hire a nanny and make sure she doesn't quit! heh
ReplyDeleteI would be surprised to find a parent who doesn't feel the same way as you. Take comfort that we are all in the same boat and hold on to your hat! I have yet to meet a "perfect" parent, but think you're doing a pretty great job!
Don't be sad cause 2 out of 3 ain't bad
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - I think all 3 of my kids are really good. Some have more challenges than others, but they are all amazing people.
ReplyDeleteLisa - I've tried the whispering things, but it just makes it worse when I lose it and go from a whisper to a shout. I have learned that whispering DOES NOT calm ME down. It is such an effort that it almost riles me up more. Go figure.
Hadassah - thank you for the suggestions. I've done the "time-out for mommy" thing and the kids really get a kick out of it. Plus, I get 5 minutes to myself!
Jess - thanks for the offline insight!
I have a hot temper and I don't really like it. It's hard to be a parent and I know a lot of people agree to this. But because I love my family, I still try hard to be the best.
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