Not the parent I expected to be

This is something that I think about constantly.

With my first child, I was the perfect parent. I had more patience than I have ever known. I was in awe of her every breath. I was in awe of my husband for being her father. I prioritized well and my daughter was always on the top of that list. She didn't watch anything on TV until she was 6 months old (nothing!).

We were perfect parents because she was the perfect child.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Fast-forward 8 and a half years and 2 kids later: Patience is really thin. Working from home (read: I never leave my workplace). My ability to prioritize is hampered by the fact that I really just want a few days off. From work. From home. From LIFE! Put a pretty drink in my hand. Sit me in the sun and let me bake.

What happened to that perfect parent?

The way I see it, it is so much easier to manage life when you are eased into it. First kid. Easy first kid. That helps. With each additional family member comes additional challenges, personality conflicts, eating issues, sleeping issues, pooping issues.

I manage this with yelling.

I never said I manage it well. But yelling has become my go-to thing that they listen to. This is a very big problem in my opinion. I feel like crap after I yell, but I yell because I have already asked them nicely to come downstairs, come upstairs, come to dinner, start homework, get dressed, get in pajamas, get in the shower, get out of the shower,... 4 or 5 times.  I can't ask nicely anymore.  They don't even respond with a grunt when I ask nicely. When the crazy yelling mommy shows up, they come downstairs, come upstairs, come to dinner, start homework, get dressed, get in pajamas, get in the shower, get out of the shower,...

I need help and suggestions to avoid yelling but get them to listen. I need a plan of action that I can stick to.

I'm putting this out there because I know how many parents feel the exact same way. Please post your suggestions, ideas, tricks in the comments so that everyone can benefit from them. We can all try and see what works for us.

I know my kids will be grateful. And so will I.

Going back to school

I've waited almost a week to write this. Little Z started at the "big" school last Tuesday, and the big ones started back on Thursday. Z didn't want to leave at the end of his intro visit -- he wanted to stay and take a nap! What more could you ask for!

My girl has grown up a lot over the summer. There are things that she does that are just so much more mature than last year. I feel like the jump from 7 to 8yrs old is huge and I don't know how ready I am.

My big boy started 1st grade and he is really something special. He has always been very expressive when he speaks and he is very in touch with the emotions that different events or experiences bring out in him. The first thing he told me when I asked about his 1st day of school was, "Mommy, that was the best day of my entire life!".

My job here is done.

Until tomorrow.

It hurt me more than it hurt you

I'm the worst patient in the world.

Just putting it out there. I'm sure at least my DH would vouch for me on this one (although I'd rather he didn't).

Today I was even worse than that. I was the worst mother of the worst patient in the world.

My beautiful girl (8yrs. old) had to have her first filling done today. She is not the easiest dental patient in the world, but she was extremely brave when the dentist froze her mouth. I, of course, was not there yet (DH and I split up kid-drop-off duties). She may have been amazing had her Dad stayed with her instead of me. They sense my fear. They know that I will jump to their defense and try and bite off the head of He-who-is-causing-them-pain. Not that their Dad won't defend them when necessary, he just doesn't fall for most of their crap like I do.

As tears were running down her face, I was practically *begging* the dentist (our uncle) to take it easy on her. Of course he was. He loves her. But I had to hide my face and not speak for fear that she would see my weakness. Tears were streaming down my own face.

When we left, I took her to pick out whatever she wanted from a magazine store: a teeny-bopper magazine, an Archie comic... things I would NEVER let her near usually. The guilt. What did she choose? A Search-and-Find book (kinda like Where's Waldo) and a Hershey's cookbook.

How did I get so lucky?

I think I deserve a medal!

School supplies purchased. Kids labelled everything (it was their idea of a fun treat!).

I'm ready for them to go to school.

Now we just wait another 2 weeks...

They figured out the truth!!! Run for cover!

I had a life-altering experience today. Ok, not life-altering, but definitely something that makes me question my sanity at ever having decided to have children.
Something you dread as a parent, but you know that it's inevitable. You just hope they won't figure it out until MUCH later. Or ever.

My beautiful daughter, at 8 years old, has figured out that we, her parents, have no actual control over her.

(Please give me a minute here. I hear shrieking in my head. Wait. That's me!)

We took the kids to the dentist. The Boy (6 yrs. old) and The Monkey (3 yrs. old) were wonderful. Didn't want to participate, but they did it anyway.

Then The Girl got into the dentist chair. She wouldn't let him check her teeth. Finally, we tickled her mouth open a bit and lo-and-behold - a cavity! Then, she wouldn't let him polish her teeth. I had to take her to a different room and have a talk with her. "He will be gentle, but you have to let the dentist clean your teeth so they don't all rot and give you stinky breath and fall out until you look like an old hag out of some Brothers Grimm story." Phew. It worked. She got back in the chair and whined through the cleaning.

By the way, did I mention that the dentist is our uncle. Just sayin. Must have felt good to be him today.

Where did the world come crashing down for me? When he tried to put fluoride on her teeth. Just to be clear, this is the easiest part of the checkup. He uses his finger and just rubs the fluoride onto the teeth, leaves it there for 1 minute, then rinses it off. She wouldn't do it. She screamed, cried, escaped!!! She got off the chair and left the room and would not come back!

Did I mention that the dentist is our uncle. Just checking.

What do we do now? Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Please leave your comments to help us deal with this.

We go back to the dentist on Tuesday for the filling. What are the chances...

Summer Days

The 2 big kids are home from camp. The weather has been beautiful these last 2 days. There is nothing better than some sunshine and playing.

The dinner that they ate...

My kids have never been co-operative eaters. From the day I first gave N her first spoonful of rice cereal, she knew that mealtime just wasn't her thing. The boys both can be good eaters when they want to be, but they tend to never want what is offered at a meal. I have learned to not worry if they don't eat at every meal - average off the week and hope for the best.

Tonight was special.

I decided to make falafel with all the salads cut up, and let them take for themselves. I didn't expect it to work. There were magic forces present this evening though, and all 3 of my
children were well fed and happy!

What a gift!

Sick Kid. Tired parents.

Nothing is as sad a little kid who is so sick that they don't want to move, mutter in their sleep, and have a high fever. It's been a long weekend with very little sleep. But he seems to have turned the corner. He's fully back to making his brother and sister crazy. Thank G-d.

Summer Camp Hell

I was never a lover of the summer camp thing.

I tried day camp. I tried sleep-away camp. I was a home-body.

So why have I become the parent that insists that my kids go to camp?

My eldest needs the social interaction. She doesn't want it, but she needs it. Mr. Middle LOVES everything about it (he gets that from his dad). Little Z is still in day care so we don't need to deal with this for him for a couple of years yet.

N. (eldest) feels that she is done with camp for the summer. 2 weeks was enough for her and she's ready to spend the rest of her 8 year old summer relaxing. I think she should get a job. Child labour never hurt anyone, right?

A big part of me just wants to keep them home with me, only to avoid the rush of the morning. It's the summer. The livin' should be easy and the schedule should be non-existant.

I also know that if they were home with me, I would not be writing this. I would be questioning my sanity at ever having considered keeping them home. They would spend too much time in front of electronic devices and not enough enjoying outside/swimming/friends.

I think I need a double. One to get work done and one to play with the kids.

I guess I better start planning activities...

A day with my Beautiful Girl

Today has been an exceptional day, so far (I haven't hit pick-up time with Little Z, which is usually where the day goes downhill). I kept N home from camp today because she had an appointment to be a fit model at this very beautiful children's clothing company. She's done it before and she loves just trying on all the gorgeous, phenomenally high-quality outfits. After the appointment, we went to do some stuff together -- we picked up an activity book at the dollar store, we stopped in at Old Navy to get some camp/school stuff (huge sale happening!), and we went out for "coffee". Without being pulled in a million directions, I was so happy to know that I DO have some patience left in me. I wasn't constantly yelling at her, as I usually am. And I can really see that she is a beautiful person, inside and out. She is as considerate as an 8 year old can be. She is not tremendously independant or interested in a lot of pop-culture (I had suggested going to a magazine store and getting her a magazine, she was the one who wanted to get a puzzle book from the dollar store!), but she is easygoing and willing to come along without complaining. She is truly happy just spending time with me, and the only thing that she vetoed was going to a movie (she has a thing against movie theaters and I don't know why).

Today was a great day, both because of the company, and because I learned that I can be the parent that I originally thought I would be. It seems to work best one kid at a time, but we must remember - baby steps. I think I need to do this Mommy-day thing with the boys too...

Cuddle Kids

When my first child was born, a friend of mine came up with a nickname for both our babies -- they were Cuddle Bunnies. The name kinda stuck. I've never been the type for calling people by lovey-names (Honey, Darling, Shnookums... the names never really did it for me). I figure, if you can't call someone by their name, it's a sign that you have a very bad memory and don't want to risk mistakenly using the wrong monaker -- not so good.

But Cuddle Bunny actually stuck. I knew I would never forget my daughter's name. She's named after my grandmother, an amazing and strong woman. No, I would never forget.

Along came monkey #2 and I caught myself referring to him as a Cuddle Bunny too! For shame! That was monkey #1's name. Since #2 was so huggy and delicious, I decided he would be my Cuddle Bear - he gave the greatest little bear hugs!

When #3 came along, I didn't make the same mistake. I watched his personality and it became clear very quickly that the Cuddle Monkey had officially arrived! He even makes monkey noises and will correct me if I ever make the mistake of calling him a different nickname -- Mister Bum, Stinker, Little Z. I think the personalities get stronger with each passing Cuddler.